Untitled on We Heart It. http://weheartit.com/entry/79051224/via/Gabriela97k
I’m posting this here because of a lack of anywhere to write anything down. Today I finally admitted to myself a thing that I’ve been doing, a thing I’ve been struggling with my entire life, a thing I can finally start to understand and move on from.
That thing is… I have two major opposing forces going on in myself. There’s half of me that experiences /crippling/ self doubt everyday. I’m constantly telling myself that I’m not good enough, that I’m not making a difference anywhere or to anyone and it wouldn’t matter if I did anyway because its not going to be a lasting change. It can’t be lasting; nothing ever is, everything is changing always. What’s the point?
The other half is… And this is hard to say… But the other half is a very big ego. Whenever I’m not doubting myself I’m having fantasies about overwhelming success and praise, which feels like something I deserve because I’m special, I’m unique, I have something completely wonderful to offer. But not everyday sort of wonderful, like… Extremely, world-alteringly extraordinary.
But there’s a constant storm going on inside, as these two battle it out. I try and hide my ego but get so frustrated when something I create doesn’t get it’s just rewards: that was made by me, why doesn’t anyone notice my genius - don’t get too big for your boots, it wasn’t that good in the first place - everyone has their own unique, specialness, everyone had the same amount of potential… but I’m not providing anything that can be found elsewhere, for better.
I’m exhausted by these two thoughts racing through my head all the time. I want to change it. I want to be able to express my own uniqueness, my thing that makes me, me, without feeling like I’m showing off or feeling like I’m just pretending. I dont want to feel like I have to hold myself back anymore.
Please pass this on even if you can’t donate.
Tokonatsu, an anime festival, has been running in the UK for ten years. Today the committee received less than a week’s notice that the campsite has lost its licence. They’re desperately trying to find somewhere else but this late on, there’s no way they can negotiate the sort of price they budgeted for. Obviously those who are going will donate what they can but with Toko being one of the few cons in the UK that permits under 18s, not everyone has disposable income.
It would really mean a lot to the attendees and the committee if you could help in anyway you can, whether through donating or just passing this on.
Thanks for listening.
Love everything about this